Can't Live Another Day
by Alastar
Summary: *Songfic to Can't Lose What You Never Had, by Westlife* Gordo's love for Lizzie is tearing him up inside now that she's dating Ethan. Soon they'll both be in college, and he has to tell her his true feelings.


AHHH! I'm in songfic heaven!!!!! Go to www.romantic-lyrics.com!!!! AHHHHHH! So happy!  
  
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"Happy Birthday, Lizzie."  
  
My heart filled was joy as Lizzie ripped off the paper. I have spent five hours at the mall, picking out Lizzie the perfect present. At least, I hoped it was perfect. I had spent every cent I had on it. But her smile was worth all of it and more.  
  
"Oh...Gordo..." She put her hand over her mouth. "Gordo, these had to cost more than our agreed twenty dollar limit." She lifted the earrings out of the box carefully, as if she was afraid they would shatter when she touched them. The thin gold dangling earrings held tiny diamond and pearl tears that looked as if they were in motion, and would fall off.   
  
"Its your eighteenth birthday, McGuire," I said, trying to be casual, "You deserve a little more than a keychain from Claire's."  
  
Lizzie grinned, and unexpectantly gave me a huge hug. I breathed in her scent. She smelled so good. Like honeysuckles and lilac and something else I couldn't place.  
  
She stood back , and put the earrings in. "How do I look?" she asked, modeling and spinning around.  
  
The way she smiled was so innocent and perfect. "You look beautiful."  
  
Baby, you're so beautiful  
And, when I'm near you, I can't breathe  
A girl like you gets what she wants  
When she wants it  
You're so out of my league   
  
The doorbell rang, and Lizzie jumped. "Oh! That must be Ethan. He's taking me out for a special birthday dinner."  
  
I snorted. "Where? Chuck E. Cheese?"  
  
Lizzie slapped me playfully. "Gordo!" But she was smiling.   
  
She took the earrings out, spritzed herself with perfume, and ran downstairs. I followed her halfway, to the stairwell. I watched her open the door, put her arms around Ethan Craft, and kiss him. I felt my muscles tense. That should be me, I thought.  
  
But I was too afraid. To afraid to reveal my feelings to Lizzie. And if she wasn't dating me, then I was glad she was dating Ethan. He may not have been very smart, but he was kind, and he was good to Lizzie. And she was happy. That was all I wanted, for her to be happy.   
  
At least she wasn't dating one of the other guys at school. A lot of other guys at Hillridge High had a bad reputation was forcing girls to go farther than they actually wanted to. But no, Ethan was nice. And I was glad for her. They were the kind of couple that were probably end up getting married. And I was the guy their children would call 'Uncle Gordo', and I'd give them presents at Christmas, and they'd never know I was desperately in love with their mother.  
  
Because I was scared.  
  
I show you no emotion  
Don't let you see what you're doin' to me  
I imagine the two of us together  
But I been livin' in reality   
Sometimes I thought about what would happen if I did tell Lizzie my feelings, and she broke up with Ethan. We'd get married and go live in Hollywood and I'd be directing movies and Lizzie would be designing clothes (her chosen career, as of this week). We'd have children, and happiness, and love, and...  
  
And that wasn't reality.  
  
I was going away very soon. To NYU. Lizzie was staying her, going to college in California. We'd be hours and miles away, and she would probably be Mrs. Ethan Craft by the time I got back. And it would be too late.  
  
This had been eating me up inside since seventh grade, and damn it, I wasn't going to wait any longer!  
  
  
Fear of rejection  
Kept my love inside  
But time is running out  
So damn my foolish pride   
I ran out the front door, and hopped into my car. Starting the engine, I backed out of the driveway quickly and zoomed down the street, breaking the speed limit for certain. I had a perfect record; I had never gotten a ticket. But I didn't care now. Things were exploding inside me head, and I could only focus on one thing.  
  
Lizzie.  
  
What was the resteraunt they were going to? I couldn't remember, and for once I wished I hadn't tuned out Lizzie's 'Ethan' ramblings. Some fancy place in the Hillridge Plaza...I'd just go there and look for Ethan's jeep.  
  
It was there, and I saw Lizzie and Ethan through the window, about to be seated. I jumped out of my car, forgetting to lock it. I ran inside the resteraunt. "Lizzie! I have to talk with you!"  
  
Lizzie's eyes were wide with surprise. "Gordo, what are you...is something wrong?!"  
  
I took a deep breath. "No. I just...have something really important to say to you. Outside."  
  
  
I don't care if you think I'm crazy  
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad  
I've got no fear of losin' you  
You can't lose what you never had  
Now, I'm gonna confess that I love you  
I been keepin' it inside, feelin' I could die  
Now, if you turn away, baby, that's okay  
At least we'll have a moment before you say goodbye  
You can't lose what you never had   
  
Ethan was staring at me. He looked like he was actually thinking. Suddenly he gave me a deep nod, then kissed Lizzie on the cheek. "Goodbye," he said softly.  
  
Lizzie gave a little laugh. "Ethan, I'm just going outside to talk to Gordo. I'll be right back."  
  
Lizzie didn't understand. But Ethan did. He had just given her up. For me.  
  
I took Lizzie's hand, and led her outside. "Lizzie...we've been best friends forever...right?"  
  
"Right."  
  
I looked into her eyes. "I think...I can't live on that anymore. This has been killing me forever. I feel like I'm going to die if I don't tell you now...Lizzie McGuire, I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you! And not just a friendship type of love. A deep, deep, romantic love. I would die for you Lizzie. If you asked me to shoot myself right now to proove me love, I'd do it. I'd do it a thousand times, if it was possible. I would throw myself in front of a car, venture into a flaming house, take bullets for you...Lizzie...you are my entire life. I've never gone a day without thinking what it would be like to have you love me back. I love you so much Lizzie..."  
  
Fear of rejection  
Kept my love inside  
Told my heart I didn't want you  
But I lied   
  
Here on the outside, lookin' in  
Don't wanna stay dreamin' 'bout what could have been  
Need to hear you speak my name  
Even if you shoot me down in flames   
  
You can't lose what you never had  
You can't lose what you never had...   
  
Lizzie kissed him. She ran her fingers through my hair, and I ran mine through hers. "Gordo?" she said softly, staring lovingly into my eyes.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"You just had to tell me. I would have dropped anything to know I had a chance with you."  
  
I smiled, just holding her. It felt so good to just be holding her that night. "Happy birthday, Lizzie," I whispered, "Happy birthday."  
  
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You like? I love songfics! They add such emotion, and theres not enough Lizzie/ Gordo songfics! I've noticed LM writers aren't as big on songfics as the other genres of fanfiction I've written for!  
  
And I made Lizzie NOT smell like strawberries. *GASP!*  
  
Review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


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